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翻譯： borat
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史瑞克的萬圣游戲
校對：cheeseflower 監制：cheeseflower 后期：L.C.
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跑啊 Run!
快逃命啊 Run for your life!
-滾開 滾開 -拿去 - Keep away! Keep away! - Take it!
都拿去 Take all of it!
妖怪把我的鞋搶走了 The monster took my shoe!
-糖 -好多糖 我喜歡吃糖 - Candy! - Treats. I love treats.
-費莉西婭 -爸爸 - Felicia. - Hi, Daddy.
拉那個胖小子那一下 干得好 That was a nice grip you had on that big fat kid.
法爾考 你很好地利用了牙齒 Farkle, excellent work with your teeth.
-弗格斯 寶貝 -爸爸爸爸 - Fergus, my lad. - Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
你還得練練對時間的把握 We're gonna have to work on your timing.
不過這是你們第一次萬圣節 干的不錯 All in all, not bad for your first Halloween.
他們成長得真快 They're growing up so fast.
看看是哪個寶貝最先咬下來了一撮頭發 And look who got her first clump of hair.
看到了嗎 法爾考還抓了一只鞋 Did you see? Farkle got him in the ankle.
-弗格斯呢 -什么也沒得著 - And what about little Fergus? - Nothing yet.
沒關系的 寶貝 That's all right, sweetie.
媽媽今年也沒嚇著人 Mama didn't get a scare this year either.
沒事 親愛的 今晚還長著呢 Fear not, my love. The night is still young.
等等 誰把門敞著的 Hold the phone. Who left the door open?
也許里面有人 You don't think that someone's inside?
誰會蠢到闖進怪獸的房子 Now, who'd be stupid enough to break into an ogre's house?
好怕怕啊 我都嚇得不敢睡覺了 Terrifying. I don't know how I'm gonna sleep now.
萬圣節快樂 Happy Halloween, everyone.
你說過他們會被嚇到的 You said this was gonna scare'em.
我費了好多心思在這套行頭上 I worked hard on this costume.
說實話吧 史萊克 Admit it, Shrek.
你就一點兒都沒被嚇到嗎 Weren't you even a little bit scared?
驢子 怪獸是不會被嚇到的 Donkey, ogres don't get scared.
我們是負責嚇人的 We do the scaring.
因此我們才是萬圣節之王 And that's why we're the kings of Halloween.
我一定能找到什么方法 I bet we can find something
把你嚇得屁滾尿流 that would scare the pants off of you.
那會把我嚇到的 Which would scare me.
是嗎 你有什么建議嗎 Really? And what do you have in mind?
今晚整夜我們都講鬼故事 All of us telling scary stories all night long.
不信你不害怕 There ain't no way you won't be scared!
沒錯 都是那種令人不寒而栗的故事 Yes. Stories to make your blood run cold.
-對 -讓你心驚膽戰 - Yeah. - Stories to terrify you.
沒錯 Yeah.
最后堅持留下的人 And whoever shall last through the night
就是萬圣節之王 shall be named the king of Halloween.
-贊成 -雙手贊成 - I accept. - We doubly accept.
還有誰想加入嗎 Does anyone else want to join our little contest?
-我加入 -太棒了 - I'm in! - Ja, wunderbar!
好吧 我帶孩子出去一下 Ok. I think I'm going to take the kids out
再嚇唬些小孩兒玩兒 and terrify a few more trick-or-treaters.
一會兒見嗎 Will I see you later?
-今晚還長著呢 -不給糖就搗蛋 - The night is young. - Trick or treat.
我先開始吧 I shall begin.
從前 在一個沉悶的子夜 Once upon a midnight dreary...
有一個生了白化病的瘋子 There was this crazy albino guy with a hook,
住在鏡子里 以鉤子為武器 and he lived in a mirror.
一旦瞧上他哪怕一眼 And if you even looked at him,
你就會在裝滿冰塊的浴缸里醒來 you'd wake up in bathtub full of ice
腎不翼而飛 with your kidneys gone.
等等 我可沒說要在這兒比賽 Hold on. I didn't say we were doing this here.
-怎么 -你定規矩 我挑地方 - What? - You name the terms, I name the place.
好吧 我們去哪 Ok, fine! Where we gonna do this?
杜洛克城堡 Castle Duloc?
有意思 史萊克 Very funny, Shrek.
這是法爾奎德國王的領地 But this is where Lord Farquaad lived.
沒錯 他也死在這里 Ja! Und died.
聽說他的鬼魂還常常出沒 I heard it's haunted by his ghost.
如果你們都膽小如鼠不敢進去 If you're all too scared to put on big boy pants and go in,
我就直接宣布勝利回家去好了 I'll just claim my winnings and be on my way.
等一下 Wait a minute!
你要敢進去 我們就跟你走 We can last in there just as long as you can.
好啊 來吧 Fine. Come on then.
慢點兒走 史萊克 Hold on, Shrek.
這不是你的地盤 You can't just go barging into
別在這種陰森森的地方大搖大擺的 some creepy spooky joint like you own the place.
為什么不呢 又沒人攔著咱們 And why not? It's not like there's anyone here to stop us.
我有種說不清的感覺 I still don't know about this, man.
這里充斥著一股 恐怖蠟像館的氣氛 You know, whole creepy house-of-wax vibe goin' on in here.
看哪 這是你喜歡的東西 還記得嗎 Look, it's that little thingy you love so much. Remember?
杜洛克歡迎你 這里很詭異 Welcome to Duloc, it's a creepy town.
曾經很古樸 現在很衰敗 What was once pristine now is all run-down.
切下你的頭 歡慶你的死 We will chop off your head and then laugh when you're dead.
杜洛克真可怕 Duloc is a creepy place.
管它的呢 進來玩吧 Come on in, what the heck.
摔倒在地 臉被打破 Fall right down, break your face.
杜洛克 杜洛克 Duloc is, Duloc is,
杜洛克真可怕 Duloc is a creepy place!
滾出去
-再來一遍吧 -不 - Let's do that again! - No!
來吧 應該很有趣 Well, then. This ought to be fun.
有趣 就算是吧 Fun. Yeah, right.
我同意你 老大 I find myself agreeing with boss.
今晚一定會妙不可言 This looks to be a very entertaining evening.
我剛看出來你打扮成了什么 You know what? I just figured out what your costume is.
你就是個馬屁精 You came as a kiss-up!
好了好了 大家都坐穩當了 All right, all right. Buckle up, everybody.
等我把你們嚇得魂飛魄散 The quicker I scare the wits out of you lot,
就可以回家睡個舒服覺了 the sooner I can be home, cozy in my bed.
有誰已經準備好先講了 Unless anyone else thinks they've got what it takes?
我 我 我有個好故事 Pick me, pick me! I have a scary story.
你又要講被困在寵物樂園的事了 對嗎 This isn't the one about you getting trapped
一點兒也不嚇人 in the petting zoo again, is it? 'Cause that's not scary.
如果你設身處地的想一下 Actually, if you look at it from my perspective...
匹諾曹 你知道嗎 沒人關心那些 Guess what, Pinocchio? No one cares!
準備好讓他們回家吧 史萊克 Get ready to send these jokers home, Shrek,
我的故事是最棒的 'cause I've got a doozy.
而且絕非杜撰 And it's all true.
那是一個狂風驟雨的黑夜 It was a dark and stormy night.
姜餅人的新娘
姜餅人 Gingy?
我的女朋友把我甩了 My girlfriend kicked me out.
原因就是我太自我中心啦什么的 You know, something about me being too into myself.
你自我嗎 你多可愛呀 You? But you are so adorable.
是啊 我也一直跟她強調這一點 I know, that's what I keep telling her!
我想要個好姑娘 松餅師 I need a good woman, Muffin Man.
我可以幫你 姜餅人 I can help you, Gingy.
這個怎么樣 How about this one?
-我也不知道 -喜歡她對嗎 - I don't know. - You like her?
不喜歡 頭發太奇怪了 No. Weird hair.
-這個怎么樣 -太瘦了 - How about this one? - Too skinny.
不 不喜歡 No! Don't like it!
好吧 這個怎么樣 Ok. How about this one?
太好了 就是她了 Yes! That's it!
完美的女人 She's perfect.
我的夢中情人 The girl of my dreams.
等等 多加點糖 Wait. More sugar.
食譜上可沒說加糖 But that is not the recipe.
相信我 松餅師 她一定要是個甜妞 Trust me, Muffin Man, this girl's gotta be real sweet.
我想要個能永遠愛我的人 I want someone who will love me forever.
姜餅人 我必須警告你 I must warn you, Gingy.
沒有人做餅干會加這么多糖 No one has ever made cookies with this much sugar.
你在違背上天的意愿 You are tampering with forces far beyond your comprehension!
放到爐子里就好了 Just put her in the oven!
讓我們單獨待一會 Ok, a little privacy?
走開 Take a hike.
好的 Oui.
天哪 我愛上她了 My gosh. I'm in love!
你就像個餅干天使 You're like a cookie angel.
而且還很熱辣 And you're hot, too!
醒醒 Hello?
看來沒成功 I guess it didn't work.
是你嗎 姜餅人 Gingy. Is it you?
我的真命天子 The one I was made for?
我們會相伴永遠的 We'll be together forever.
棒極了 Sweet!
姜餅人 你幸福嗎 Are you happy, Gingy?
當然 初次見你的一刻 You bet! The time since I met you
是我這輩子最幸福的7分30秒 has been the best seven and a half minutes of my life.
太好了 以后日子還長著呢 Good! Because this is only the beginning.
我會愛著你 抱著你 I'm going to love you and hold you,
喂你吃飯 給你穿衣 依偎著你 and feed you and dress you and cling to you
抓緊你的手 愛到你喘不過氣 and hang onto you and smother you with my love.
永遠永遠 forever and ever and ever and ever.
屋里好悶 You know, it's getting a little stuffy in here.
我想出去透透氣 You know, I'm gonna go get some air.
-不 你不可以 -不 - No, you don't. - No!
沒帶傘就出去 Not without your umbrella.
快點兒開呀 Come on!
我來吧 Here, let me get that.
等等我 Wait for me.
親愛的 能答應我一個小小的要求嗎 Sugar, could you just do me one small, little, teensy favor?
什么要求都行 Anything.
能讓我自己待個半分鐘嗎 Could you leave me alone for like 30 seconds?
除了這個什么都行 Anything but that.
我忘帶軟糖紐扣了 Yeah, I forgot my gumdrop buttons. Yeah.
幫我拿過來 好嗎 Could you run over there and get 'em for me, please?
沒問題 馬上回來 Sure I can. I'll be right back.
姜餅人 快跑啊 能跑多快跑多快 Gingy, Gingy. Run, run, run as fast as you can,
如果你還想活命的話 if you want to remain a gingerbread man!
姜餅人 Gingy.
我真不明白 我以為你很幸福 I don't understand. I thought you were happy.
-我嘛 -都是我的錯 - Well, I... - It's all my fault.
我應該再努力一些 I should have tried harder!
不 不 別再努力了 No, no, no! Don't try harder!
那就是我不夠漂亮 Maybe I'm not pretty enough.
我可以變漂亮 變得美麗動人 I can be pretty! Really pretty!
-還記得你的夢中情人嗎 -快滾開 - The girl of your dreams. Remember? - Leave me alone!
姜餅人 Gingy!
放手吧 Let go, Gingy!
和我一起墜落 這樣我們就相伴永遠了 Fall with me, so we can be together forever!
要不這樣吧 你把手松開 Here's a thought. You let go!
相伴 相伴永遠 Together! Together for...
好家伙 這一晚上過的 Boy, what a night!
一切終于結束了 我太高興了 I'm so glad that is over with.
-沒有什么能夠永遠 -體育新聞 - Well, nothing lasts forever. - In sports...
相伴永遠 Together forever.
-相伴永遠 -好個意外的驚喜啊 - Together forever. - What a nice surprise!
相伴永遠 Together forever.
相伴永遠 Together forever!
怎么回事 What's up?
我們都說過一些話 令我悔不當初 I think we both may have said some things I might regret.
-相伴永遠 -你那只眼睛真美 - Together forever. - Gosh, your eye is pretty.
我知道你們不高興 Look, I know you're upset,
坐下來談談不好嗎 so why don't we just sit down and discuss this!
然后我就被她們吃了 Then they ate me.
他們會那樣一路跑回家的 They're gonna do that all the way home.
走了 我得送他們回去 I gotta go. They were my ride.
不對吧 Wait a minute.
如果他們吃了你 你怎么還會在這兒 If they ate you, how is it that you're still here?
你不是說這故事絕非杜撰嗎 Did you not say this was a true story?
你輸了 Busted.
是你編的 對吧 You made it up, didn't you?
我 看哪 法爾奎德國王的鬼魂 I... Look! Lord Farquaad's ghost!
一群傻瓜 Doody heads!
就剩下咱們三個了 And then there were three.
還有誰自告奮勇 Who else wants to step up?
我也有個恐怖故事要講 I, too, have a terrifying tale to tell.
那是一個狂風驟雨的黑夜 It was a dark and stormy night.
什么情況 What the...?
我們要找個避雨的地方 And we needed to find us some shelter.
靴子旅店
講故事的應該是我 This is my turn to tell a story.
旅館的店主熱情而友善 The kindly innkeeper was warm and friendly.
讓我的心里熱乎乎的 She made me feel all bubbly inside.
我的小跟班想在這歇歇腳 My trusty sidekick here would love to freshen up.
-小跟班 -我想吃點華夫餅 - Sidekick? - And I would love some waffles.
-我們沒有高低貴賤之分 -當然當然 - We are equals. - Of course we are.
高貴的驢子告訴他低賤的小跟班不必糾結 The noble donkey reassured his clearly inferior sidekick.
我有點受夠了 I'm getting a little tired of this.
但在貓咪想明白之前 But before Puss could finish his thought,
他決定先好好洗個澡 He decided to take a well-deserved tongue bath.
什么情況 What the...?
既來之則安之 Well, as long as I am here.
這時危險從身后襲來 But right then, danger came from behind.
我們就和貓咪永別了 And Puss was never seen again.
劇終 The end.
不 故事不是這樣的 No! That is not how the story goes.
我察覺到了迫近的危險 I was well aware of the approaching danger,
拔劍相向 and went for my steel!
別擔心 小兄弟 我來救你了 Don't worry, little buddy. I'm here to save you.
服了你了 You're killing me.
來者是白馬王子 It was Prince Charming.
他身攜武器 想要復仇 He was packing heat and he wanted revenge!
-我要復仇 -他說道 - I want revenge! - He said.
在所有人反應過來之前 But before anyone could do anything!
太糟了 太可怕了 It was awful and it was terrible
簡直令人毛骨悚然 and it was really really scary!
什么 不 倒回去 What? No! Go back.
盡管王子動作迅速 Although the Charming was fast,
我更是身手敏捷 擋住攻擊并跳到一旁 I was swift enough to repel the attack and leap to safety.
可你恰恰中了他的圈套 Which is exactly what he wanted you to do.
王子狂笑起來 Charming laughed just like a crazed maniac.
不 抱歉 故事不能這樣講 No. I'm sorry, but I would never let that happen to me.
接著 我醒了過來 Instead, I woke up.
沒錯 這一切都是一場夢 Yeah, that's right. It was all a dream.
一場噩夢 你知道自己在天花板上嗎 You mean a nightmare. You know you're on the ceiling, right?
我會找你算這筆賬的 I will get you for this.
接著燈全滅了 And then the lights went out.
貓咪開始求饒 多么可悲啊 It was horrible and sad how Puss pleaded for mercy.
求饒 算了吧 Mercy? Please.
貓咪用最后的氣力掙扎著說道 Said Puss, with his last dying breath.
燈光再次照耀時 But when the lights came back on,
這次在洗澡的是驢子 it was the donkey who was taking a shower.
天哪 我為什么要洗澡 My goodness. Why would I do that?
而你的身后也危機四伏 And right behind you, there was danger.
你嚇得呆若木雞 You were paralyzed.
那是塊專吃驢子的華夫餅 It was a donkey-eating waffle.
身攜武器 想要復仇 It was packing heat and it wanted revenge!
我要復仇 I want revenge!
驢子開始逃跑 The donkey ran.
但是當你在一個澆滿黃油的盤子上 But how far can you run when you are on a plate covered in butter
身穿芭蕾舞裙 又能跑到哪去呢 wearing a pink tutu?
-不要 -你戴著寬邊草帽 - No! - And a sombrero!
還穿著椰子胸罩 And a coconut brassiere!
馬上就要被生吞活剝了 And about to be eaten alive!
不 不要 我寧可被烤餅吃掉 No! Please! Please, I'll switch to pancakes.
從此驢子也消失在這個世界上 And the donkey was never seen again.
可是貓咪不知道在他身后 But what Puss didn't know is that right behind him
出現了這世上他最懼怕的東西 was the one thing he feared more than anything else.
-不 不要這樣 -就要 - No. you wouldn't. - I would.
-你不能這么干 -我就這么干了 - You didn't. - I did.
不 除了這個什么都行 不 No! Anything but that! No!
故事結束 The end.
我肯定你那是作弊 I'm pretty sure that's cheating.
好使就行 不是嗎 It worked, didn't it?
下一個是誰 Who's next in our little contest?
有誰看見老鼠一家了嗎 Has anyone seen the mice?
我們到了嗎 Are we there yet?
好了 我要講一個真正可怕的故事 Ok. I think it's time for a story that's actually scary.
隨便講好了 Yeah, whatever.
給過你說話的機會了 現在聽好 You had your chance. Now then.
一件無法解釋的靈異事件 Something beyond comprehension
曾發生在一個小男孩身上 was happening to a little boy.
在某條街的某棟房子前 On this street, in this house.
巫師史萊克
出現了一個男人 他是最后的希望 A man had come as a last resort,
因為沒有其他人敢接近那里 because no one else would go near the place.
聽說你一直等待我的到來 I hear you've been expecting me.
-你就是 -沒錯 我就是 - You are the? - That's right. I am
來看孩子的 the babysitter.
太好了 你終于來了 Yes, yes, thank goodness that you've come.
不知道我的兒子被什么附身了 My boy. I don't know what's gotten into him.
我從未見過那種東西 I've never seen anything like it.
相信我 老兄 Trust me, buddy.
我家里養著三個小怪獸呢 I've got three little ogres at home.
你這兒只是小事一樁 This will be a piece of cake.
爸爸 Father.
爸爸 Father!
-好了來吧 -我跟你說 - ok, then. - Look, I'm telling you.
這本書里的所有方法我都試過了 你看 I've tried every trick in the book. You see?
《育兒寶典》嗎 算了吧 "Once Upon A Time-out"? Come on now.
一只鵝的話你也信 You're gonna listen to a goose?
請留步 你不了解情況 Please. You don't understand.
他就像被靈魂附體了一樣 It's like he's two different people.
你的孩子缺的只是管教 What your kid needs is discipline,
不是什么神神叨叨的心理治療 not a bunch of psychological mumbo-jumbo.
你只需走進房間 直視他的眼睛 You just gotta walk in there, look him in the eye,
告訴他誰是 and show him who's...
你沒有別的孩子了對吧 Please tell me he's an only child.
我看出問題所在了 Well, here's your problem.
他的腦袋沒擰好 His head's not screwed on right.
對著星星許個愿 你就會心想事成 When you wish upon a star, you get lots of stuff.
我只想要一個安靜的夜晚 Well, I wish for a nice, quiet evening
你好好睡覺 我回去吃個夜宵 where you go to sleep and I raid the icebox.
-好啊 -別這樣 - Ok. - No!
看 很簡單的 See? that was easy.
就像我常說的 一個好的家長 It's like I always say, when it comes to good parenting,
應該慈祥 但也要嚴格 You have to be fair but firm.
只要讓他們知道你也不是好惹的 You just show'em that you mean business.
他又從床上起來了 對吧 And he's out of bed again, isn't he?
剪斷線你就會好了 You never have this problem with sock puppets.
好了 到底是怎么回事 All right, what's this all about?
有個聲音 Voices.
什么聲音 Voices?
在這里面 指揮著我的行動 In here, telling me what to do.
你的腦袋里面有個聲音 You have voices inside your head.
時有時無 Sometimes.
那聲音讓你做些什么呢 And what kind of things do they tell you to do?
早起的鳥兒有蟲吃 The early bird catches the worms!
這孩子發什么神經 What's gotten into this kid?
你給我 You're going to...
或許你應該給他唱首小曲 Maybe you sing him a little song.
你給我過來 Come here, you.
我看上去是那種會唱搖籃曲的人嗎 Do I look like the kind of guy that knows a lullaby?
快唱 Sing!
搖籃搖搖 快睡覺覺 Lullaby and good night.
合上你那瘆人的大眼睛 Close your big creepy eyes.
你要睡著 我就溜走 If you sleep, away I'll creep.
離開這里 撿條小命 And get out of here alive.
他要是不調皮搗蛋的話 You know, once you get past all the splinters and rope burns,
還挺可愛的 he's actually kind of cute.
他跑哪去了 Now where did he go?
一鳥在手 勝似二鳥在林[多得不如現得] A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
我算大開眼界了 Now there's something you don't see every day.
把他弄走 把他弄走 Get him off! Get him off!
你給我回來 Come back here, you!
我無所畏懼 I regret nothing!
我這么年輕 還不至于生白蟻吧 I'm too young to have termites!
我可不是白蟻 匹諾曹 我是蟋蟀 I'm no termite, Pinocchio. I'm a cricket.
你就是那個總在我腦袋里的聲音嗎 You were the voice in my head this whole time?
對 That's right.
在你腦瓜里灌輸想法的就是我 I'm the one who was putting all those thoughts in your noggin.
我就是你的思想 只要你允許 I'm your conscience, and as long as you let me,
我永遠都會是你的 I'll always be your...
講完了 The end.
那不是我 我腦袋里沒生過蟲子 That wasn't me. I never had any bugs in my head.
大家可以作證 Ask anyone.
好啊 那就先問問你的思想吧 Ok, then. why don't we start by asking your conscience.
到底誰是在作弊 Now who's cheating?
驢子 看來就剩下你和我了 Well, Donkey, looks like it's just you and me.
來吧 我不會被你嚇住的 Go ahead. There ain't nothing you can say that can scare me.
我想現在我們只需要 Well, I suppose there's nothing left to do
在黑暗中坐著 靜等鬼魂的到來 but sit here in the dark and wait for the ghost.
鬼魂 什么鬼魂 Ghost? What ghost?
當然是法爾奎德的鬼魂 Farquaad's ghost, of course.
實際上如果我沒記錯的話 As a matter of fact, if I remember correctly,
他英年早逝你也脫不了干系 I believe you had a hand in his untimely demise.
那只是一次意外 That was an accident.
怪力亂神都是傳說 And besides, all that ghost stuff is just an urban legend.
-你心知肚明 -是嗎 - You know that. - Is it?
那只是風 Ok, ok, that's... that's just the wind.
驢子 Donkey!
很明顯這風還知道我的名字 And apparently it knows my name.
真有意思 史萊克 That's very funny, Shrek.
但我知道是你搞的鬼 But I know it's you doing this.
驢子 我可是和你在一起啊 I'm standing right here with you, Donkey.
不可能 這個地方不會鬧鬼 No way. This place is not haunted by a ghost.
當太陽升起的時候 我驢子就將是新的... And when the sun comes up, Donkey will be the new king of...
他就在我后面是吧 It's right behind me, isn't it?
-驢子 -我的天 - Donkey. - My goodness!
這個騎士和這個夜晚都很值得紀念 Well, that's what I'd call a "knight" to remember.
弄點飯吃吧 怎么樣 What do you say we scare ourselves up some dinner?
要我說 帶上孩子回家吧 I'd say grab the kids and let's get going.
知道我們為什么是萬圣節之王了吧 And that's why we're the kings of Halloween.
他一定被嚇壞了 He was so scared.
沒準一個月都看不見他了 You probably won't see him for a month.
還有什么能惡作劇的東西嗎 So, what else have you got in your bag of tricks?
我這還有7個雞蛋 I've got seven eggs.
太棒了 Perfect.
我喜歡這個節日 I love this holiday.
漂亮 Very nice!
你們把我惹毛了 I am not happy!